Oh wait, this piece of paper is real

What isn’t known about George A. Custer is the story of his last one-night stand. The only remaining account, a banned History Channel teleplay, is locked in a historical cabinet marked “Absolutely Disgusting” because—it’s absolutely disgusting.

Sioux warrior princess Bear Wolf Cub Owl Dog (translated: Amy Adams) was winning a staring contest with her reflection in the Little Big Horn River when Custer arrived, sparking debatably the greatest love affair of 1876.

While his men, on a 24-hour recess, pillaged the Black Hills for gold and collectible arrowheads, Custer and Amy spent a day running up streams with salmon, finding clues in a childish “savager hunt”, and making fun of the earth without care of the next harvest.

Unfortunately, when they realized they might be sworn enemies, Custer changed the subject to avoid awkwardness. And in what would become the most obvious trap since Delilah cut Samson’s hair, Custer trusted the advice that there were only 2 natives (including her brother who didn’t really count for some reason involving poison oak) camped near the river.

So on June 25th, 1876 the Custer confidently led his 210 men into a battle with nearly 5,000 Lakota and Cheyenne warriors. In one of the largest massacres since the Civil War, Custer and his men wound up “absolutely disgusting”... and broken (like the treaties).

I have never seen a less threatening field. A giant obelisk in Crow Agency, Montana serves to commemorate the Little Bighorn Battlefield. The product of Custer’s last one-night stand. Have you ever been playing solitaire at work, visiting an old lady at a nursing home, or simply staring into the blue and red lights of a police car in your rear view and thought: I wonder what the field where George Custer died over 130 years ago looks like at this exact moment in time? Me too. Thanks National Park Service…

http://www.nps.gov/archive/libi/webcam.htm

Amazing, but still no comparison to real men on real horses without 6-minute uploads. If that doesn’t fill your insane George Custer craving, then this will. Thanks Hardin, Montana…

http://www.custerslaststand.org/

These were my thoughts as I was sitting in a wooden library cubicle handwriting notes on the American West. It’s amazing how textbooks consistently take the most fascinating people and stories, official or unofficial, and dull them down with enough dust to fill every bottle in every saloon of every real ghost town George Custer ever dreamed of during debatably the greatest love affair of 1876.

College ruled paper and Mirado Classic #2 Pencils. My hand was hurting from writing history notes, so the cell phone ring was a relief. I hesitated however, still in the moment, and for a split second alerted myself: I need to save this document to the hard drive. I looked to the top left of the paper for the “file” tab, but there was none. Oh wait, this piece of paper is real…

…So the battle between reality and digital continues, and it’s 210 versus 5,000